What to do when attraction is so strong?

Attraction refers to an involuntary feeling of pleasure or interest. This is typically directed at someone whom we feel “drawn to” and maybe want to get to know better. Every once and a while, an attraction will be so strong that it seems to come out of nowhere. This can be scary. It can be overwhelming. Sometimes, we can find ourselves at a loss as to what to do with it. However, sometimes, breaking things down into a more logical path can help to make the answer as to “what to do” a lot simpler.

The first thing I would suggest is to try and “track” the explanation behind the intensity of the attraction. Since attraction can come from a lot of different sources (biological, one’s personal history, social constructs), it might help to figure out if there is a source, or multiple sources, of where your attraction to someone comes from. The reason that this helps is because it can unveil potentially “toxic” or “unhealthy” reasons that triggered the attraction in the first place. It could be that the person reminds you of someone from your past and certain attributes about them make you feel “comfortable” even if that person from your past wasn’t the healthiest influence in your life. It could be that certain narratives or social constructs have influenced what you find “attractive” in another person. If this is the case, it is okay to ask yourself if that is something that would influence whether or not you would move forward with taking action to address the attraction.

The second thing I would suggest is to ask yourself questions around whether or not you are in a place in your life to act on this attraction. Maybe you are in a committed, monogamous relationship and moving forward with the attraction is not an option from a moral standpoint. Maybe you are attempting to organize certain aspects of your life so that you can feel stable and haven’t planned on establishing new, intense relationships with people (whether those be romantic or platonic in nature). Finally, ask yourself what approach you feel is the most appropriate in addressing the attraction in the first place. Do you think that moving “slower” is more appropriate? Do you want to take your time in establishing a friendship before moving any further? Do you think that being faster is the better option so that you have less time to “overthink” the situation?

Whatever route you find the most appropriate, it is important to remember to always be true to yourself, your morals, and do whatever makes you feel the most safe and comfortable.