What to do when I feel lonely and I tend to have a gloomier look over my life?

Loneliness is not an abstract condition that affects only certain kinds of people. You have gone through some life changes that have impacted your social interactions. Feeling lonely can impact our energy level and outlook on situations. Building deeper connections with the people around you takes time. Think over your friends and acquaintances, the things you have in common and ways to exercise those common interests to strengthen your relationships with them. Focus on things that you like to do together instead of tasks that you are solving for them. You are already doing some great things to combat loneliness by going to the gym, reading and traveling. 

Loneliness can create more loneliness by creating a cycle of thinking that reinforces itself. For example, loneliness can make you feel like you don’t fit in or that you are not really connected to the people in your life, which only makes it harder to reach out. This might seem to confirm that you really don’t fit in, which can make you feel even lonelier. When you challenge feelings of loneliness or start to make changes in your life, the cycle of “loneliness thinking” starts to break down.

It’s common to feel lonely during transitions. Whenever you’re going through a transition, it can take some time to settle in and find your new place. Loneliness may only be a temporary stop along the way. Were you feeling lonely prior to 6 months ago when you mentioned that you broke up with your girlfriend and moved alone?

Time alone may be an opportunity to pursue a hobby, learn a new skill, get into a good book, listen to music, or connect with nature. You mentioned wanting to find your higher purpose, this would fall into this area as well. Pursue activities that are important to you and align with you beliefs & values.

Working on building deeper connections within your already existing relationships can help reduce loneliness as well. Think of the friendships that you enjoy and ways to increase your time around them. Building new friendships is another way to reduce loneliness. Think about the types of relationships you want. For example, if you prefer talking with others in small groups, look for opportunities to meet people in smaller groups. If you’re looking for support and understanding around something specific, look for related groups or organizations. Exercise your interests or skills to your advantage:  take a course, or join a club to meet people who already have your common interests. Building confidence is an ongoing process.  It takes time to build relationships. It can be a bit scary at first, but try to initiate conversations or suggest opportunities to spend time with others. Accept that it may take time to feel connected and feel like you’re part of the group. You probably don’t get along with everyone you meet (and some people may not get along with you). This isn’t a reflection of your value or worth. It just means that you haven’t met the right group or individuals yet.

Working to reduce a gloomier outlook can be reframing negative thoughts to be more of a reflection of the facts you have vs. allowing the prediction that it will be negative to overshadow the facts. Practicing looking for the positive in the situation can also help shift your outlook. Small gratitude practices each day can bring your focus on the good over the gloom.