Why can’t I stay faithful to to my wife even though I truly only want to be with her?

Thank you for having the courage to ask a difficult question. The following information may or not may not apply to you or other individuals, as best practices dictates therapists provide a confidential assessment before providing individualized treatment interventions; however, I hope you find the following information helpful in some way.

Generally speaking, "risk-taking" behaviors, such as, engaging in dialogue with other women while married may be a symptom of an underlying issue.  Arguably, most individuals engage in behaviors for a "payoff" or to remove an undesired feeling. For example, some may find themselves soliciting attention outside of their relationship due to potential underlying feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. Additionally, there may be value in exploring one's cognitive (thought) process when browsing dating applications along with the physiological response(s) related to the behavior. Risk taking behaviors may stimulate neurotransmitters in our brain (e.g., dopamine) when risks are sought/taken. It is possible to seek experiences that boost adrenaline or "feel good" neurotransmitters. While desire for stimulation or pleasure isn't necessarily negative in of itself, as you mentioned, there is a potential risk to your marriage if the behavior persists.

You may also find value in exploring your various physical/emotional needs and "love language(s)."  For example, some individuals may need more "physical touch" or "words of affirmation" than others. I expect the risk taking behavior is providing some sense of satisfaction, and it may be important to determine the underlying needs with a trusted professional. You may feel inclined to ridicule yourself for your behavior as shame and guilt can do that to us. However, I hope you seek support as I'm confident you aren't alone in what you may be experiencing.

Therapy is an individualized process to explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe non-condemning environment. We are all human and imperfect. You have clearly expressed love for your wife; therefore, I encourage you to seek support as you want your marriage to remain intact and continue to grow. 

Most relationships have a natural ebb and flow to them. As a result, there are "maintenance" behaviors often required to cultivate all types of relationships. Therapy can teach individuals how to improve their communication skills and achieve more fulfillment in relationships. Therapy is a process, and I explain to all new clients things may actually "seem worse, before better" as therapy has a way of unveiling things unknown or suppressed. 

Thank you again for your bravery to seek support and ask such a meaningful question.

I wish you hope and healing.