Why did I ruin my two year relationship and constantly lie to my partner about it?

Thank you so much for your question! Relationships are so tricky and we are human-- sometimes self sabotage is inevitable. We all sabotage ourselves to some degree, but no one wants to admit it. Almost everyone has done something that took them out of alignment with a goal they're working toward or a behavior they'd like to change. That's okay - as long as we're aware of it. Self-sabotaging behaviors can make life seem impossible if we are not aware of them. Sometimes it feels like we're playing a game where we don't understand all the rules. It may seem like we’ll never achieve the goals we want or live the kind of life we want to have. The best way to create a change in your life is to focus on what you can control, rather than what you cannot. Fortunately, your behavior is something that you can change.

The same problem can easily arise when anxiety infects our relationships. We may find emotional intimacy challenging because we are afraid of being close to others. Such anxieties often center around feelings of vulnerability, inadequacy, or fears related to taking on responsibility. Very often the response to such feelings is to find ways to gain emotional distance. These relationships often fail to gain momentum. They falter, lose direction, and eventually die from lack of deep connection. Do you have any of these patterns in your relationships?

I also think that fear can really be a factor in this situation. When we feel fear and are afraid of impacting someone that we care so much about, it might impact how you respond. We can work together in therapy to identify these patterns and concerns that you have and work to resolve them together. We can also look at a process for how to make amends and how to move forward differently in your next relationship. It is challenging, but important work to do to identify the patterns are have and change them.

I am proud of you for reaching out for support and for seeking answers. I would encourage you to connect with a licensed therapist when you feel ready.