Why do I feel the need to breakup & leave my partner when things get difficult?

Going through rough patches can be a difficult time for many couples. Disagreements, or arguments, are a part of any relationship. But the way each couples goes about navigating these things can really impact the relationship or how you each feel about the other. It is unrealistic for any couple to go through life without disagreements as everyone has different likes, beliefs, and needs. But it sounds like the disagreements may be quite intense and that doesn't feel very good for you. And in terms of what this means for you, it may be something to explore a bit more.

In terms of feeling like you want to run away from the relationship, I'm wondering if you feel this way in general when you get into arguments with people? Or is it just with certain partners in relationships? I think it's always important that we consider patterns to see if this is something that we tend to do with others in general or with specific individuals. In terms of why this happens, well it depends. Sometimes feeling the need to get away is an escape to get away from the frustration or stress felt from the issues. Or sometimes it can be the discomfort that someone does not agree with us. Regardless of what it is, it's important that we figure it out as it can help us better navigate the situation. And also helps us better understand what is getting in the way of being present in moments where there are disagreements between you two.

Sometimes it may also be the way that our partner responds to conflict. Do you feel like your perspective is taken into account? Do you feel comfortable communicating how you feel with your partner? And if not, is there anything your partner can do to help you feel more comfortable? Sometimes it may be just us that are uncomfortable with expressing what we need and that's getting in the way. But other times, we may not say how we feel if our partner does not make us feel safe. So this is also something to explore. If you feel like your partner provides you with the space to express how you feel about things, then that's great. But if you don't, you may want to explore what this means for you.

Something to think about as well is how do you think starting over would be different? So even if you decided to leave your current relationship, it is inevitable to avoid arguments in life. They will exist with other partners, and they will exist with other people. So just something to think about for yourself. If you want to work on your relationship, one thing to consider (assuming you feel safe with your partner) is to try speaking to your partner about how you feel and that you want to work things out. If you feel like you have a strong reaction at the beginning of a disagreement, it may be a good idea to ask for some space so that you can process. And think about how you want to phrase things so that your partner can better understand you. And once you figure out the best way to say what you want to say, then you can speak to your partner about it. 

Learning how to communicate effectively with others is a process within itself. When we can express how we feel with others assertively it can be quite helpful. When we are direct and firm on what we say in a non-aggressive manner, it can go a long way and allow others to hear us and to better understand us. It can also reduce the intensity of disagreement as it allows both of you to speak to each other about how you both feel and think about situations. It's a different way to interact with each other, but it can go a long way. Here is worksheet that goes over assertive communication and how to apply it: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/assertive-communication.pdf

It is important that if your partner is not open to using assertiveness or listening to your needs, then you must think if you want to be in a relationship where you don't feel heard. Of course, you can encourage your partner to work on this, but both of you must be open to it. And if not, then you really need to think about it if you want to be in a relationship where you don't feel heard. But if you both are willing to work on your communication, this can help you both feel more competent in handling disagreements. In addition, it can help you both problem solve so that together so that you two can figure it out. And sometimes this may mean compromising so that you both can feel more at ease with the situations. It can be a bit of an adjustment to do things differently, but it can make all the difference and provide some stress relief for you both.

It may be helpful to look into some self-help books that can provide you with some guidance on conflict resolution and effective communication skills. If you feel like you need additional support, you can always search for your own individual mental health therapy. In addition, you can also try couple's counseling if you feel like you need additional support. Best of luck to you on your journey to heal.