Why doesn’t anyone romantically like me?

I feel like no one ever likes me. Both intimate relationships and friendships. I always try to talk to people but nothing good really ever comes out of it. I have no luck on dating apps. Is it my social anxiety? Am I just not likable?
Asked by Kylie
Answered
05/03/2022

Hello, I am glad you are reaching out and asking this question. 

It seems you have noticed that people are not responding to you in the way you would like and it is hard to get close to people.  I would be curious about your approach: how do you approach people when you want to connect with them; what do you do first and what happens next so, look at patterns or ways in which you engage others that work or don't work.  I would also be curious about when this all began for you, is this a current experience or, has this been a challenge for a while.  Are there fulfilling/supportive relationships in your life-tell me about those-what works or, doesn't work in those?  I also like that you are asking if it is your social anxiety, because it seems that you already know that being around people can already be challenging for you in some ways and I would want to know more about that (in what ways is it and in what ways are you able to manage it).  I would also wonder about what tools/skills you already have for managing social situations and self-soothing.  What have you tried that works or, doesn't work? 

Asking the question, "Am I just not likable?" is such a vulnerable and difficult question to ask and I doubt that is the case; however, we all have habits and behaviors that can get in the way of getting close to others and that is some of what I would want to explore with you, along with some of the other things I was wondering about above.  I wish you well as you continue to explore these important questions about Who Am I in relationships?  What are my styles/ways of getting close?  What of those are helpful and maybe not so helpful?  What else could I do to help self-soothe my anxiety when I am with others, especially new people that would allow me to get over those initial new moment interactions? 

Finally, what experience do you have with dating?  What do you know and what is your experience with dating relationships?  I hope some of these reflective questions/areas of exploration can provide you with some new windows into your initial question. 

I wish you well!

(LMHC)