Why relationships matter?

In the U.S., we have come to value ideals of rugged individualism, which is the glorification and idealization of the individual being completely self-reliant and independent from the help of others. Originally influenced by the American frontier experience, this ideal seemed to favor individuals who worked in isolation. However, for thousands of years, human beings have existed, survived, and thrived in small communities or tribes. In fact, relationships are not only central to the experience of what it is to be a human being, but foundational in determining the kinds of experiences we will have later in life.

From a young age, relationships help us develop our personality, identity, attachment styles, and also influence how we perceive the world and relate to our environment. This process begins in infancy as the child begins to bond with a parent or caregiver. John Bowlby’s theory of attachment emphasizes the importance of this early bonding with a parent and states that if this attachment doesn’t occur, the child will be missing this feeling of safety, which can negatively impact physical health, cognitive abilities, psychological, emotional, and social development, as well as other relationships. Bowlby theorized that for the first 24 months, which are crucial to development, children must have continuous care and any disruption could negatively impact the areas listed above.

According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services’ Child Welfare Department, the long-term consequences of childhood abuse and neglect depends upon the nature of abuse, severity, and length. Adverse childhood experiences (ACE) have been linked with higher rates of health problems, including diabetes, lung problems, high blood pressure, migraines, and chronic fatigue, among other issues; psychological issues, including impaired working memory, self-control, cognitive flexibility, increased rates of depression, anxiety, and PTSD; relationship and attachment problems, including difficulty forming positive peer and romantic relationships or increased antisocial traits. Furthermore, research has shown a link between childhood abuse or neglect and increased substance abuse issues, addiction, and juvenile delinquency.  The impact of these issues is not only felt and experienced on an individual level, but it also is felt by the community or society on a collective level. Problems such as transgenerational trauma, poverty, addiction, and criminal behavior can all be linked to adverse childhood experiences.

Not only are our quality of relationships in childhood crucial to our psycho-social development, but it also influences the quality of life and happiness over the span of one’s life. We often underestimate how much we are influenced, many of us by our environment and close relationships, but our environment often influences our self-esteem, norms, and values. Another study completed by Harvard University drives home the same message regarding the importance of relationships finding that the longest study of adult life conducted did, in fact, reveal that quality, not the quantity of one’s relationships was the biggest predictor of happiness.