Would therapy help me manage my anxious attachment style?

Thank you for reaching out and asking this question via the BetterHelp Platform. In my personal opinion, I think therapy could help you understand your anxious attachment style, and work through and process some of the thoughts, feelings, beliefs and past history that has informed your attachment style.

Can I change my attachment style?

In a word, yes, if it is safe and beneficial for you to do so. I believe that attachment styles can be challenged, and can be different for each person we interact or relate to. We might have a secure attachment style with one friend, or family, and have an anxious, avoidant and dismissive attachment style to someone else. I approach attachment styles as 'survival adaptations', how did we learn to attach to people when we were younger, in order to keep ourselves OK? Sometimes this form of relating with others in the future doesn't match what we want out of our relationships. So, we can respectfully be curious about how we want to be in a relationship, and what a different form of attachment might look like, or feel like, with this individual.

How our past can impact our future

I wouldn't be surprised if someone who had been cheated on, and lied to, developed trust issues and found it hard to trust people in the future. Based on your lived experience, you've witnessed that pattern of behavior. If you haven't had any real, or meaningful, interactions which have challenged these patterns, it can be difficult to believe there can be any other way of being treated. If the only evidence you have is that people cheat, until you have evidence that people can be trusted, and will respect you, it can be really hard to balance that out. It's easier said than done, I know, but ultimately any therapist you work with will prioritize your safety, stability and overall wellbeing when you work with them.

I think your feelings are valid, and exploring them in the here and now might allow you to have a different perspective for future relationships. It's all relative though, it depends on the unique situation, relationship and what we observe.

What now?

Not all therapists are a good fit for all clients, and not all clients will like the first therapist they are matched with. The great thing about BetterHelp is that you can switch therapists if you don't feel like you click with the one you get. (Yes, this might reflect upon the attachment style playing out, and will likely be a feature of the initial assessment or consultation!) However, you have to feel safe and comfortable with the person you're working whilst you build that therapeutic relationship and decide if you trust them with the therapy goal you have in mind.

If there's a therapist that you like the look of, who specialized in attachment styles, I think they would be a good place to start.

Whatever path you take, I wish you all the best in your journey with whomever you choose to work with. I think you're asking the right questions, and building awareness is a good foundation to start from.

Best wishes, 

Jess