Do I need emotional help?

All of us need and benefit from emotional support. It’s simply a part of being a human. There is absolutely never anything wrong with needing or wanting help. In fact, recognizing you need extra support at certain points in your life is a good sign. It can mean you have developed some good insight into some patterns or concerns which seem to be getting in your way. It seems like this is the case for you. Your question alone evidences some thoughtful insight about yourself and your situation. Which is a great starting point for making some very positive progress forward.

Additionally, seeking support demonstrates courage. Not everyone is able to speak up and extend a hand to get some added help. Again, we are designed to be social, to give help as well as to need it, too. I commend you for noting your needs and seeking guidance.

Seeking validation from other people is a common occurrence. This is also a very human thing. We naturally want approval from those around us and we seek agreement with others. People thrive in community. Seeking and wanting validation is okay. It’s not a bad thing.

But as you’re recognizing it can become problematic. As can nearly all things when we delve into extremes. Even drinking too much water in too short a time period can become problematic.

There are times when we ourselves can’t see our worth and we begin to desperately seek it from external sources. We may begin to doubt our own internal intuition and look to others to tell us how to be and what to do. As you realize, this becomes a troubling situation to find ourselves in.

There is a delicate, fine balance between healthy seeking of community support versus turning over our power and depending on others to validate us. Wanting support is okay. That’s normal. Yet “needing” it is disempowering and can cause us to make less than ideal choices for ourselves along with negatively impacting our self-worth more and more over time.

If we find ourselves needing outside validation, this can contribute to growing within us feelings of depression and anxiety. It can add significant stress to our life.

You make a very important statement: I know I need to heal.

Why is that important? Few people ever come to acknowledge that.

You want to heal. You know you need to heal. We all do, on some level, throughout the entirety of our lives. As humans there is always some aspect of ourselves to work on and improve. You’ve identified a specific challenge you’re encountering right now. I want you to know that simply recognizing this is a great and powerful first step. People often spend considerable time struggling, not really knowing what’s causing difficulty for them. You are already at that place.

Of course, there’s the lingering question – well, now what?

Some people find it helpful to explore the “why” behind their lack of self-worth. It’s not necessary to make positive progress, but it can be helpful. A therapist can certainly work with you to develop a better understanding of what is contributing to the problem. Childhood experiences could be a factor. Lowered self-worth can often result from some stuff from our past. An example might be having a parent who gave you too much praise when you were a child – this can create a need for excess validation that can continue into adulthood. Or vice versa – a distant parent can contribute to the same outcome. They never gave you enough attention, so now you constantly crave and seek it from others. 

And probably there are some things in your present life which could be playing a role.

For instance, many individuals are finding that usage of social media is leading to lowered self-worth. We can get caught up in looking at the highlight reel of someone else’s life and we begin making comparisons – however the comparisons are grievously unfair as we are literally only seeing a very curated singular snippet of what that other person wants us to see. And it’s usually far removed from reality in many cases. In such cases, cutting back on social media and/or carefully selecting what you’re viewing can play a role in influencing your self-worth. Recognizing, too, that when we play the comparison game, we very rarely win. Someone else is always going to seem to be or have “more” than us. But we can work on recognizing our minds tendency towards this – and we can catch ourselves doing it, thus over time reducing the habit and the potential harm it might be causing.

I often tell potential clients that if they are asking if they need help that’s a sign that help will be of benefit. Importantly, we all need help. Do you need it in the sense that something is inherently “wrong” with you. Of course not. You’re simply being a human – and you’re just normal in needing some extra support with a particular challenge. Noting that you have a need is a good thing. And wanting to get help to work on it will likely be tremendously beneficial. As mentioned, you already have some great insight. I would encourage you to think about working with a therapist to develop this further. You’re open-mindedness to support and desire for growth signals lots of wonderful potential to become a person who will go on to have better relationships.