How can I be stronger after criticism???

Taking criticism at work can be hard, especially when you struggle with mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Here are some ways to distance critical feedback from your self-value as a person. Taking criticism isn’t anyone’s favorite experience. However, when you’re in a bad place with your mental health, taking criticism can be extremely difficult and damaging. Your self-worth can take a toll.

Criticism is a part of life — and in many cases it really is intended to be constructive. To get better at something, it’s important to be aware of your areas that need improvement. Even in a healthy headspace, it can be hard not to get defensive when you receive criticism. It’s a learned skill that is acquired through experience and a cultivating a strong sense of self. If you’re in a bad headspace, criticism can turn into a virus.

Dealing with depression, anxiety, stress, mental exhaustion, or any other mental illness can take a toll on your sense of self. You might feel like you don’t trust yourself, like you don’t have worth, or that you’re not enough. Receiving criticism when you’re already criticizing yourself feels like validation that you are, in fact, a failure. Of course, this is not true.

When you’re taking criticism from family, friends, employers, or strangers, it’s vital to create an emotional distance between the criticism you’re receiving and your self-worth. It’s important to ask yourself if this criticism is supposed to be constructive, if you can learn from it, or if the criticism is toxic. Decide if it’s appropriate to communicate your mental health struggles with the person who is giving you criticism or if you feel comfortable doing so. In situations where criticism is a normal aspect of your life, such as a review at work, it’s helpful to focus on creating distance. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a dear friend. If a friend told you that some critical feedback on a project they did at work meant they were stupid or worthless, you’d tell them they were brilliant and that this feedback didn’t define them. Apply that positive talk to your self-talk as well. Sometimes being sensitive to criticism can come from having a high emotional IQ. This means you’re empathetic and aware of your impact on others. However, if the criticism is becoming too much and it’s affecting your mental health and sense of self-worth, it’s important to understand when to take a step back. Unplug and recharge so that you can be in a better place. Be kind to yourself. You are allowed to have a break from putting yourself out there. This might mean taking a short break from writing, taking a step back from a work opportunity, or dropping an activity in order to focus on your mental health. Even something like a social weekday trivia night can lead to feelings of inadequacy. If this applies to you, remember that it’s okay to take some things off your plate in order to focus on your sense of self. If you’re in a situation where you’re feeling inadequate, it’s important to try to stop those feelings before they get out of control. It’s easy to spiral into feelings of failure and worthlessness if you let yourself go there. Instead, practice some coping mechanisms that can help stop these feelings, cope with them, or bring you back to reality.

·      Embrace distraction: A distraction doesn’t have to be a big task. It can be cleaning, reading, spending time with your pet, or just watching a movie. If you are able to, spend time exercising outside to help with burnout. This can mean hiking or just going for a walk. If you are spiraling into feelings of failure, distract yourself with a task that feels good.

·      Schedule downtime: Take a step back and let yourself breathe. Cancel plans, take a bath, take a trip, read a book, or relax in pajamas. Take time to cry if you need it, then remind yourself that criticism is hard, but it doesn’t define your self-worth.

·      Write down the positives: When you’re feeling bad about yourself, it’s hard to think in positives — let alone write something down. However, even a simple gratitude journal where you write something you are grateful each day may help you to cope and keep you healthy.

·      Talk to a loved one: Call a parent, partner, friend, or other family member and tell them how you feel. Ask for help. Ask for positivity. Text a friend and schedule time together. Be with people who love you can help you feel better about yourself.

·      Finding help: Finally, don’t let yourself go too long without help if you’re struggling with self-worth. Find resources near you, talk to your therapist if you already have one, or contact a helpline that can help you find resources and receive help.

Understand the connection between your mental health struggles and why you may be feeling a sensitive connection to your self-worth at this time. Try to create a distance between who you are and what you do to make taking criticism easier. Know that it’s okay to take a step back and that there are ways to cope when you start to spiral into feelings of self-loathing. Be kind to yourself and understand that the criticism you hear isn’t validation that you’re not good enough. You are.

These are a few of the other key tips I give my clients to help them push past their fear of feedback:

·      Accept the feedback graciously. First and foremost, listen to the person delivering the feedback. It’s gold, truly. People often think they’re listening when in fact they are anticipating their own response or explanation to the criticism. If the feedback is given in person, take a notepad along and jot some notes down. Hold yourself with confidence and grace and take the feedback like a boss, even if the feedback-giver is less than gentle in their wording. Above all, do not react defensively, and don’t feel obligated to respond. Thank the deliverer for the feedback, express appreciation for their candor, and let them know you will consider their comments and follow up if you need any clarification. This lets them know they’ve been heard, and it leaves the door open for you to follow up with questions, or – if absolutely necessary – an explanation or apology.

·      Look for the lessons. You are probably familiar with the old saying: “there’s no such thing as a bad experience.” I’ve found this to be true when it comes to professional development… There’s also no such thing as a true “mistake.” Every interaction you have with your colleagues, clients, and peers provides you with an opportunity to learn something about them – their communication styles, body language, word choices, and tone. Most importantly, there’s so much to learn about yourself… What do you notice within yourself when you experience criticism? Do you feel offended? Do you feel less confidence? Your response to criticism is a direct pathway for insight on how you’re doing with your own personal self-esteem. Plus, if you spend the entire feedback session feeling self-conscious or defensive, you miss the chance to be observant and learn. How a person delivers criticism speaks volumes about who they are as a person, and while it could have value for you, separate the energy they are speaking from away from the actual content they are sharing.

·      Check your ego at the door. Occasionally, feedback will be 100% valid and 100% painful. The ego tends to get very loud in these situations, especially when the delivery was aggressive or hurtful. It’s easy to dismiss the feedback by blaming the messenger: “I would be more willing to consider his opinion if he hadn’t yelled at me while he said it.” While a cruel delivery can be embarrassing, the humiliation we feel is usually just masking a deeper sense of shame that comes from feeling powerless to change. Our ego fights those feelings with arguments like “that’s just who I am,” “he knew this about me when he hired me,” and “he’s too uptight” or “he’s the only one who feels this way.” At the end of the day, letting the ego win – and dismissing all feedback as unjustified – is a complete bar to growth and professional satisfaction. Instead, ask how you can use the experience to grow. How can you use it as a tool to rise and succeed even more? As an entrepreneur, I’m susceptible to harsh feedback—I see it with gratitude… It’s a mechanism and venue for me to grow and better serve my clients… This is how successful people think.

·      Give yourself some processing time to sort through the feedback. After you receive the feedback, take some notes about it. How does it make you feel? Some of it may feel expected and non-painful. But if you have a strong reaction, such as feeling outraged and misunderstood, or completely worthless and beat up, try to identify the sensitivity and any past triggers, meaning times in your life where you felt this familiar pain. This is much more powerful than dismissing the feedback just because it stirs up uncomfortable and confusing emotions. Once you understand whether your pain roots back from any other similar life experiences, you’ll have a better frame of reference to accept the meaningful feedback and dismiss the parts of it that feel inherently off-the-mark or valueless. The ability to have those honest internal conversations with yourself will help you stay humble and strong – as opposed to defensive or weak – in these potentially painful situations.

·      Empower your professional relationships. If you can approach every feedback situation from the mental standpoint that the speaker is coming from a place of good intention, you will be able to emotionally withstand the criticism with dignity. You will learn to use hardship as a platform to build—not burn—bridges. In fact, the way in which you receive feedback is a direct path to how your colleagues respect you moving forward… Surprise them! Having a professional and gracious attitude is empowering to your relationship with the critic. They will remember your grace and feel grateful to you for making it more bearable.

And always remember….. it is not the critique that counts – it’s what you do with it that has the power to change your life and inspire the people around you.