Ask a therapist > Self Esteem > How do I be less insecure about myself in regards to a relationship?

How do I be less insecure about myself in regards to a relationship?

I’ve suffered with anxiety my whole life. It’s never stopped me from doing anything but it makes things harder to do. I recently found myself in love with a girl, feelings I have for her I’ve never felt before. I get this sickening anxiety anytime she goes out, anytime I hear of an ex, she talks to another boy. I’m terrified she’s going to find someone better. I want to improve myself for her. I trust her but I have a little voice in my head always questioning things, saying what if she finds someone better and hurts you. What if she cheats. She holds a lot of power over my mental health and I know with a simple text message she could make me crumble. I want to be less insecure and to realize I’m a man of value, and that she’s not going to leave, and if she does that it’s her loss. I can say these things but I don’t believe them, and that’s what I want to change. I want to be less anxious and insecure.
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Asked by Brady
Self Esteem
Answered
01/06/2023

Thank you very much for your question, it's a very important one as we all have some sort of insecurity in our relationships at some point in our lives. I appreciate the fact that you wrote about this piece of your own experience. Let me also say that I am sorry that you are suffering due to that, I know it can be very challenging. I understand that you can feel insecure about all this. 

In relationships, trust is a very important thing and it's capital trying to work on that. As far as I am concerned, trust comes together with self-confidence, which is very related to self-esteem, so one big step to take towards improving your current situation is working on your self esteem. If you learn how to love yourself and acknowledge and appreciate the person you are, it will be life-changing for you. 

What things can be done to improve this? There are plenty of them that can be very helpful:

1. Learning how to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. It will help you with that anxiety as well. You will feel way more in charge of your life when you see that you don't react to situations or avoid them. 

2. Clarifying your values and being aligned with them. Through this, you will plan your goals and solve any situation in a meaningful way. 

3. Being assertive. Defending your point of view while respecting others' point of view. Stop saying YES when you want to say NO. Don't always put others before yourself in a seek for validation and acceptance. This is an important thing to feel better about myself, even when it's challenging. 

4. Another important thing is enjoying yourself in your free time. Do the things you want to do whenever you can with the only purpose of having fun. Obviously, choose them with caution. 

5. Judging and talking to yourself in a fair way. You can not be perfect, no one can. You must assess the situations in your life taking into account that fact and being compassionate with yourself.

I am sure you will achieve it, you only need to believe in yourself and try your best. Wish you all the best. 

(Master's, Degree, in, Third, Generation, Psychological, Therapies, Bsc, in, Psychology, Msc, in, Prevention, of, Addictions)