I can't stop myself from feeling like I'm not worth anything, how do I stop that?

Hi Terry, 

Thanks for getting in touch. 

If I am understanding you correctly; you have noticed that you struggle to accept yourself, that you don't feel you have anything to be proud of and that you keep overthinking that you are disliked by those around you. You have tried to talk to people around you about this but when you have done so, their responses are unhelpful and you have identified that this then makes the overthinking even worse? 

As a result of the feelings and the overthinking, you are starting to recognise feelings of being afraid around interacting with others, which is then leading you to isolate yourself and avoid social situations as you feel you will never "fit in". You have friends in your life currently but you keep feeling left out or hurt by their actions. You don't seem to want to fall out with your friends over this and note you struggle with your own self worth and feeling like you fit in? Ultimately it seems as though you would like to stop feeling like you aren't worth anything. It seems as though perhaps your question is split into two. The first part is about you and your self worth and the second is about your friends, perhaps communicating with friends plays into this as well. 

If we take them one point at a time, let's start with your self worth. Of course, this can be looked at in more detail during therapy sessions however, in the absence of therapy, there are still things that you can do yourself to promote good self worth, I've included some tips below for you: 

• -Get to know yourself - ask yourself what makes you happy? what do you like and dislike? What do you find is valuable to you?
• Be compassionate with yourself - sometimes our overthinking can include negative self talk, if you can find ways to be compassionate in the way you think about yourself, this can encourage self worth
• Challenge negative thinking patterns - don't take negatives as the answer, challenge them. Find evidence against the negative thought.
• Recognise positives - it doesn't matter how big or small the positive is - acknowledge it, when you know you have done something well, or completed a task or a goal you have set for yourself, when you have good times with those around you etc. identify these moments, and hold on to them.
• Set yourself an achievable challenge - again, it doesn't matter how big or small the challenge is however, I would suggest if it is a big challenge, that you break it down into smaller elements, so you don't get overwhelmed. Achieving things you set your mind to encourages positive self worth
• Practice saying positive things about yourself, to yourself - it sounds odd, but telling yourself your positive traits can dampen the negative voices within us. Try to avoid comparisons with others, and focus on yourself and your own progress.
• Accept compliments from others - when people say something nice about you, own it, accept it. Try to avoid adding any bias (such as, they're only saying that because etc.).
• Focus on the positive relationships in your life and if you don't feel there are any currently - how could you begin to create some? Can you expand your friendship groups perhaps? Start new hobbies/groups where you can meet new people who have similar interests to you?
  increase your self care - do things that encourage positive sleeping patterns, good nutrition, participate in any exercise you enjoy, spend time outdoors, preferably surrounded by nature....

In terms of your friendships and communicating with your friends: 

It's almost as if your friends are not understanding your anxieties and so when they are attempting to help, it's actually making it worse for you in some ways? I wonder if this is something that you could communicate to them, to help them understand what you are finding difficult and why? 

You make reference to not wanting to lose these friends but also, it seems as though you feel you do not fit in with them, so I wonder if perhaps, expanding your friendships to include others who perhaps have common interests with you etc. could prove helpful? 

I hope that some of these ideas are helpful for you! If you need anything further though, please get in touch. 

Thanks 

Kim