Ask a therapist > Stress > How can I better manage stress?

How can I better manage stress?

I stress about everything. Money, health, the future. It’s effecting my day-to-day life and I need to learn how to manage it better than I am currently. I need a resource to focus my stress onto so that it doesn’t get bottled inside of me and I end up snapping later on. I want to be able to communicate and move on from my stressors and not hyper focus on them too much. It makes me sick, lose my appetite, effects my ability to be happy all the time. I’m concerned with how it’s effecting my relationships as well. I need to find a way to decompress and not constantly think about it all the time and stress so hard over things.
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Asked by Dez
Stress
Anxiety
Resilience
Answered
01/30/2023

Something exists within you that tells you, you won't be or can't be happy until you...(fill in the gap of something your mind tells you is necessary). 

If some deep belief lies inside you, you will live according to its demanding rules. You will be a slave to the belief that you won't be happy, can't be satisfied until... Honestly, ask yourself, why can I not be happy right now? What is the problem, right now, in this moment? Your mind will answer with something that must be done, accomplished, or overcome. You do realize that you are under the command of a mind that was formed in this world, and now you live according to the beliefs of others around you, right? You do realize that it burns us out to live according to a life we didn't even choose and find little value in, correct?

We focus on what gets our attention. What gets our attention are things that are often negative or provide some threat to something we care about or could improve something we didn't even know we need to improve on until the fear ends up produced inside of us as a result of the show of better options from the world around us. Millions of stimuli cross your mind every day, yet not all get your attention like the pressures to perform. Why does it matter so much that you accomplish what you've been raised to believe is critical to your well-being? What happens if you let that belief go and start to live life for things you actually care about and find purpose in?

Think about it. Watch a TV show, and there are underlying values pushed all the time that you may not be able to separate from because the image is so repetitive. Maybe the depiction on a show is a group of friends and the free time it takes to maintain them. Is this how we should live? Do I even value that much time with friends? 

So, if you aren't doing what your mind tells you to, you could start to internalize a less than image of yourself, or a shameful, or guilty feeling that your mind says you must remedy. You have adopted a belief that you can't be happy until you fix everything you think is a problem. However, when you fix one problem, you are then stuck with ten more. Then you get better about seeing problems and never a solution because you are better at looking for problems than finding benefit in what you have. 

You are not your thoughts, you have them, but they do not define you. Start to realize that you have thoughts, and they are allowed to exist and they come from some place of experience, and you can let them be without listening to them or trying to remedy them. This is how you manage life and stop the stress from seeping into your core being. You experience stuff you were meant to care about; now I ask you, is all this pain worth it? Find something that gives purpose to the pain, and you will reduce your suffering. 

(LCPC)