How can I deal with middle age, being a mom, and a high stress job?

Talk About It

I think you are aware of what you need more of, but what you might need is an opportunity to talk about what can be changed to allow for more time to do the things that are meaningful in your life. Your question is a typical one and becomes a common theme in middle-age. It is with proper maturity and trying and failing that we can come to these conclusions that we aren't happy with the way things are.

Though you mention "stress" there is definitely something that causes this stress to be different now than other times in life. Could you be burned out on previous expectations and not yet aware of how much you are holding on to? Talk therapy can be great for this sort of situation because it will help you get to the point of what matters and notice how much of your life you live for so much that doesn't.

The areas of life you mention in your question, being a mother, high stress job, your age, one thing therapy can do is to help determine what about these areas of your life are problematic. There are many "high stress jobs" that can be quite fulfilling. It could very well not be the stress, but expectations or shame or some irrational fear. Sometimes our mind tells us one thing is wrong when in reality what is really the matter is something else. Going through and identifying what specifically about your job or being a mom or your age or any other element in life is interfering in what you want in life is worth the effort. The second step is to identify that you value some things in life very much and need to start living and making decisions towards those values. What you value in life is being missed here which I think is why you find yourself in this predicament.

Lastly, being a people pleaser is actually a significant indicator of someone who struggles with their self-worth. Though you may be convinced that people-pleasing is all about others, it is actually about how these others perceive you, or that you have value to them if you satisfy their problems. Remember this, your job is not to take on other people's feelings and problems. Your job is to be a kind person to people, which does not mean solving any problems, but maybe listening or praying for them. People pleasing leaves little to no time for yourself because you will then surround yourself with people who have many needs. You will make your kids need you and fail to solve problems themselves. People pleasers have to realize that THEY are their biggest problem in life, not the outward demand of others, but their perception that they are the one called to make everyone's life better.

You were put here to be you to be living amongst those you interact with. Sit with people when they choose to talk, stop yourself from taking their problems on or pleasing them. Sometimes, people are allowed to be unsatisfied or upset. That is not yours to take from them. It could be the life lesson some people need to mature in life.