How do I keep myself from wanting to give up because I’ve failed my family?

Hi Beau. It is nice to meet you.  

I want to thank you so much for reaching out for some additional support during what sounds like a very difficult time without a doubt.  We are here to help and glad you asked this question.  Unfortunately there is not a single correct answer here, but more a combination of things that if applied consistently can certainly help you to feel better equipped to manage your situation. 

As you are certainly aware the economy is challenged and many things are in transition.  It sounds as though you possibly got swept up in some of that current along the way and are now trying to find your footing once again.  Financial stress can be super tricky to navigate as well at times because it is quite directly tied to everything else we experience and have to manage in our busy lives.  This includes being directly tied to getting our own basic needs (such as food, shelter, transportation, healthcare etc) met.   This can leave us feeling unsettled and insecure about our circumstances and our future.   It is certainly understandable that in the midst of losing two good jobs and falling behind in your financial obligations, alongside becoming a new parent, could lead you to feel uncertain and perhaps anxious.  We often feel that way when we don't know what is ahead of us.  That is a very common response to the unknown. 

There are a few things that may potentially assist you in improving your circumstances and ultimately your overall well being.  None of these are immediate "fast fixes" as this is just not possible in all reality, but certainly can help you in beginning to regain control over your circumstances and help you feel more in the driver's seat of your life.  You certainly don't have to do this all on your own!

Initially, to best solve any problem, it is of the upmost importance that one be able to recognize our feelings and bring awareness to our experience as you have done and are currently in the process of doing for yourself.  So let's celebrate that!  Without awareness of a problem, it is hard to make any changes! You are well on your way in that regard, just by having done so.  You then reached out for additional support and guidance which is the second most important step.  The next step I would recommend typically is to accept that support and utilize tools to change your circumstances/experience.  This is where we are today.  Well done once again!

At this point, I would recommend considering attending therapy going forward to assist with helping you break down the problem into more manageable "bite size" pieces with action steps which can be identified to help you take the necessary steps to gain some traction and therefore build momentum.  There are some approachable techniques to set and achieve goals and sometimes having another person hear those goals can help us with accountability and celebration in our achievements.  Therapists can be very good at helping us with these types of challenges in our lives. 

Additionally therapy can aid you in helping you better manage the emotional responses you are having.  It can be a lot to become a new parent, feel the responsibility of supporting a family, and deal with losses including those of employment opportunities and stability.   By working with a therapist you may find you gain the support and guidance you need to better feel comfortable in your own skin and help you learn techniques to better understand and cope with difficult emotions and problematic thought patterns.  You may even learn some skills on how to better support your family in the process! 

As I stated above, there is no short, one paragraph answer to this question.  However there is support and compassion that can help you through this in the meantime and when we come up with a plan to address our problems/situations, it can alleviate our anxiety and help us to feel better in control of our future.  

I hope this has helped at least in some small way to get you started, in the meantime.  Stay strong and focused on what is ahead of you.  You sound very resilient and very capable.  I wish great things for you and hope your situation improves in the very near future!

Until then, take care of yourself and keep moving forward. 

J Alder, LMSW