I'm questioning if i should get back into therapy

Hello Liv,

Making the choice to reach out and speak, even briefly, with a therapist is an important first step in determining where your own mind is at regarding the situations you are going through.  In general, I will say that if you are questioning if you need therapy, you would benefit from talking to a therapist if even just for a brief period of time to work things out.  What I often share is that a therapist is not an expert on you, they simply have education/training/skills that can help you work out what is going on and see if from a better perspective than where you are at right now.  

The most important part to remember is that the therapist has to be the right 'fit' for you.  It is not as simple as being 'assigned' to someone and *bam* they help you work through what is concerning you.  You need to allow time and space to build a relationship and trust with the therapist (and this process can help you identify and work through some of the 'toxic' relationship habits you mentioned).  While we will hold space in the first one or two sessions for everything that you want to let 'spill out' of your mind, to put all your information out there...a healthy relationship with a therapist will help you set some of those things aside (I call it 'putting things in a sealed box off to the side) until you have build trust together to open the boxes in a safe way.  I've included a link to in my opinion, very important things to keep in mind/ask when choosing a therapist: https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/blog/vetting-a-potential-therapist-a-guide-for-finding-your-next-therapist

Learning how to break the hold past relationships have on you (for instance, the way you may worry over a new partners words because they happened to say or do something similar to your last partner when they were mad at you) takes time and compassion.  Being open with your new partner about moments when the 'storm clouds of the past' show up, so that they too can help you remember they are not the past partner, that you are here and this is safe, is a big part of the process.  We work to reduce embarrassment and shame around the process, create space for you to openly question yourself and the situation in ways that help you find compassion and kindness.  Therapy can help you identify and connect with friends, family, spiritual leaders, community members or groups, that will help increase your ability to find this compassion for your past self who is growing and changing.  

Therapy is not a 100% perfect fix. It can be messy and even painful at times, to work through the things that creates the responses we have.  Therapists do not do the work for you or have a magic wand🪄 (how I wish we did!) to to erase all that has happened...but the right connection and bond with a therapist can create the safe space for you to do this work.

I wish you all the best, and hope that you do decide to seek a therapist of your own.  I suggest to all clients that we give 3-5 sessions, to see if this bond becomes evident. 

❣️Your therapist should demonstrate respect for you and your time (arrive within 2-5 minutes of the scheduled session) as you should do for them.

❣️You should feel some small measure of relief from any anxious or depressing feelings within a couple sessions (not that they are gone, just that you feel relieved having a place to talk about them) 

❣️You should feel comfortable correcting a therapist who forgets or gets something wrong (because, we do, we are human too 😊)

❣️You should feel you begin to look forward to sessions, even if you know that what you want to talk about may be hurtful or uncomfortable.  

Best wishes in your beginning steps towards healing 💙