What is your initial perspective?

I Believe...

The initial phrase caught my attention the most. We act as though what we believe to be true. You are what you believe, and if you allow yourself to be defined by any one thing, you are holding yourself back from being another, greater thing. 

Now, I know you might not have intended to say what was said here, but I think that it is as good a place to start as any. What do you believe about yourself? What we believe is where we make all of our decisions from and it alters our perspective of the world. You take two people and put them in the exact same situation; the only thing different is how each person views the situation. This is why it is important when we reveal our most broken parts as what define us. We have to start there with what to work on if we want to be more effective at getting our needs met. 

Your abandonment issues, attachment difficulties, trauma, and what you are with people (as defined by your own mind that you just admitted is problematic) are not the problems you think they are. You defined them with clinical terms so I think you have done some research, but you stopped short of being effective. Your symptoms are just that, a result of your genetics placed in an environment where you formed the beliefs about yourself and the world around you. These symptoms then indicate clinical words such as "attachment." But, what is attachment to you? How do you see being attached as being affected by the way you think? 

Do not go to therapy or start reading self-help books to remedy your symptoms. Instead, notice the underlying, more important issue here: your beliefs. As long as you believe that you are somehow broken in these various ways, even if all the problems were solved today, you would create more, because you believe you are broken. Accept that the way you think is the way you think. When something goes wrong in life, it is an easy and familiar thought process to beat yourself up and "oh, I should have done better." Notice what happens when you interact with life, and how you respond, in your head. 

Once you notice the way you think, not what you think about, but the WAY, you can start to make changes where it matters. Do not try to remedy all the problems with the same mind that created them. Bypass the solving and go to the why is this a problem, and what does this situation trigger inside of me? Notice thoughts because your mind is trying to get you to react to life because that is the familiar narrative, to react, fix, solve. 

You do not have to respond to what your mind says. If my mind says, "oh I messed this up because I have poor attachment," I can say, "oh, that is a part of me." You see here, I acknowledge this, "part," but it is not the whole. I have this, "part" inside of me, but if I give it too much attention, then what about the other, more effective parts? You get habitually trained to input one part when another part could be better. 

Notice how you are choosing to define yourself and sit with it, asking what does this do to help me. Notice that life causes triggers to get you to respond and that you literally do not have to, even though your mind will scream, "do something!" Notice and separate from thoughts, and this will be the best starting point to change you have ever implemented. You have thoughts; you are not defined by them.