Why do I get so overwhelmed by simple tasks such as cleaning?

Hello Nami! Thank you for your message and your question. You have brought up several different issues: change, feeling overwhelmed, and ADHD.

1. Change: change is always difficult even when it is a good change. Change takes us out of our comfort zone -- meaning that place that we are accustomed to being. So change can feel uncomfortable and sometimes even unbearable. This is the reason that people frequently are not able to maintain the change they are trying to make. They find it too uncomfortable and they don't think they can tolerate that discomfort. In your case, I am guessing you are not going to move back to wherever you left so the next challenge is to learn how to tolerate that feeling of discomfort. Even if you love your new home, your body is reacting to these changes and is suggesting to you that something is wrong. We will get back to this.

2. Feeling overwhelmed. Anxiety (your sense of being overwhelmed) is our body's natural reaction to stress (the move) or to a feeling of a lack of control (not sure where to put everything). Anxiety is our response to perceived danger. Having too much on our plate can be perceived by our brain to be "danger." Our response is anxiety.

3. When it comes to change and to stress, one way to respond is to break down what is on our plate into small, achievable pieces. Think of this like a football field. Imagine you are standing in your own end zone on the football field. Imagine everything that needs to be done (everything on your plate ) is sitting on the opposite end of the field -- the other end zone. The idea would be to assign one piece of everything that is located at the other end zone to one of the ten-yard-line markers. As an example, getting the kitchen organized might be on the ten-yard-line. Getting bedroom number one organized might be on the twenty-yard-line. And so one. Now, you have a plan and none of the steps to the plan are overwhelming by themselves. It is only when you are trying to do everything all at once that it can become overwhelming to the point of feeling paralyzing. You make progress towards the other end zone ten yards at a time.

4. If you understand that those feelings of being overwhelmed are the result of your nervous system being in overdrive, then another key is to send messages to your nervous system that you are safe and it can calm down. This is what I was alluding to under point number 1. We can send messages of "safety" to our nervous system by using one of many mindfulness techniques. Those techniques do not have to be complicated or take a lot of time. The most basic of those techniques is mindful breathing. Just stop for a moment and breathe in and breathe out and notice your breath as you breathe. Focus your attention on your breath. There are many more mindfulness techniques that will help you to calm down while you are adjusting to your new home. You can Google "mindfulness" or DBT techniques to find them. Essentially, what you are doing is moving from your brain where you are overthinking things to your senses (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, touch) where you are experiencing things in the here and now. By using your five senses, your body starts to feel grounded and safe. Then your nervous system will start to calm down.

5. Another technique to help you calm down would be to examine your thoughts. This is best done in the moment when you are feeling overwhelmed. Keep a little notebook and just write down what you are thinking at the time that you are feeling overwhelmed. Write down your exact thoughts without editing them or judging them. Thoughts are not facts. They are just thoughts that popped into your head. By noticing them, you can decide if these thoughts are supported by any evidence. For example, you said that it is hard for you to relax and watch tv until things are tidied up. The key here is to understand the thinking behind this mindset. What do you think is going to happen if you do not tidy up or fold the blankets? Where is the evidence that something bad is going to happen if you watch tv without folding the blanket? It is important to do this without judging your thoughts or feelings because all you are trying to do is decide if you want to hold on to this thought or if you want to let go of it. There are what we call cognitive distortions which are just patterns of thinking that result in difficult feelings. We need to be able to catch ourselves in these distortions and change our spin on the situation -- the story we are telling ourselves. You could also Google cognitive distortions. If you are a bit of a perfectionist, you might be thinking that "it is not okay to relax unless everything is perfectly in order." That is a cognitive distortion and we have to be willing (key word willing) to let go of and change some of these thinking patterns so we can feel better.

6. Now, the ADHD can certainly have an effect on how you react to stressors in your life. I am not an expert when it comes to ADHD and so I can only offer some very general ideas. It is usually helpful for people who struggle with attention to do some of things mentioned above -- break things down into small, bite-size pieces and just do one thing at a time. Some people with ADHD will have reminders set up that help them stay on track. Example: "Right now I am working on the kitchen. Don't go to a bedroom." It helps to take breaks so you don't get to feeling overwhelmed again. There are many resources for individuals who have been diagnosed with ADHD. You can find a lot of these resources on the internet. Also, the doctor who initially diagnosed you with ADHD might have resources to offer.

These are only a few of the things that might be helpful to you. Just try to remember that what you are experiencing is very natural. We all experience these feelings when we go through changes. Be compassionate with yourself and give yourself some time and space to adjust naturally to your new environment.

Thank you for reading my response.

Judi