Imago Relationship Therapy

Written by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Medically reviewed by Dr. Andrea Cziffer Paul, MD, Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW, Laura Angers Maddox, NCC, LPC, and Corey Pitts, MA, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS

Overview

For some couples, communication difficulties and challenges in understanding one another can hinder intimacy and growth. Imago relationship therapy (IRT), developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, is a form of couples counseling that focuses on resolving conflicts and learning healthier communication skills. It is rooted in the belief that relationship conflict often stems from unhealthy patterns established in childhood. However, with support, these patterns may be resolved to develop stronger and more secure adult relationships—imago relationships. 

"Imago" is Latin for "image" and refers to a subconscious blueprint of a person's ideal partner, often shaped by early life experiences. For example, the positive and negative traits of those who cared for an individual as a child can create an image of familiar love. Couples may participate in specific exercises that help them recognize their Imago and understand the connection between their childhood experiences and current relationship problems. 

With Imago therapy, couples may learn to confront and resolve deep-rooted problems and develop more satisfying partnerships. However, it may not be the most appropriate form of therapy for every situation, such as relationships involving substance abuse or domestic violence. Nonetheless, it may be valuable for strengthening relationships and achieving lasting emotional growth.

How it works

In imago relationship therapy, the imago relationship therapist follows a structured approach to help couples resolve conflicts and deepen their emotional connection. The Imago Dialogue is a useful communication tool that helps facilitate the therapy process, focusing on three main ideas: mirroring, validating, and empathizing. These steps may break down communication barriers and pave the way for a more fulfilling relationship.

Mirroring

The first step in the process is called mirroring. In this step, one partner shares their thoughts, feelings, or concerns, and the other partner repeats these back to them. This strategy is a way to ensure both people understand what's being said. 

Imagine speaking a foreign language, and someone translates it back to you. If the translation is accurate, you know you've been understood. Mirroring aims to improve emotional communication through a similar process. 

Validating

Once both partners understand each other, the next step is validating. Validation doesn't mean agreeing with everything your partner says, but rather acknowledging that their feelings and viewpoints are valid and make sense. 

Validation might include phrases like, "I see where you're coming from" or "I understand why you feel this way," even if you don't entirely agree. These phrases may help your partner know they are being heard and respected, which can be a cornerstone of a strong relationship.

Empathizing

The final step is empathizing. During this stage, each person tries to relate deeply to what the other person may be experiencing. It involves understanding how a situation would make them feel. Imagine watching a movie and feeling the emotions of the characters. Instead of only observing, you might be emotionally involved. Empathy takes validation one step further by adding an emotional layer to the understanding.

By following these three steps, couples may break down communication barriers and understand each other at a deeper level. This process may focus on solving problems and creating a closer, more fulfilling relationship. These steps can become a natural part of communicating with your partner through practice, which may lead to a closer bond.

What to expect

Couples can discuss the process, goals, and expectations with a trained therapist1 at the beginning of therapy. These initial discussions can allow partners to express and actively listen to each other's needs and concerns without interruption. 

The couple’s therapist may assign specific exercises to try outside the couples therapy sessions, such as role-plays or communication assignments. Couples can invest time and effort to apply the Imago techniques throughout their daily lives.

During imago relationship therapy, or imago marriage counseling, discussions may delve into sensitive areas, such as problems from past relationships or childhood experiences. These insights may help partners better understand each other's Imago, potentially improving general mental health and managing a couple’s interactions.

As the therapy progresses, couples may gradually find their communication ability improves, and their self-awareness deepens. Imago relationship therapy may not be an immediate solution to relationship difficulties. However, with consistent practice and commitment, some couples experience healing, growth, and improved connections in their relationships.

Who it benefits

Imago relationship therapy can benefit a wide range of individuals and couples who want to improve the quality of their relationships. Focusing on deep-rooted childhood patterns, this therapeutic approach can help people resolve conflicts in their adult relationships.

Couples who may benefit from Imago relationship therapy include:

  • Those wanting to improve their communication skills and emotional intimacy
  • Partners seeking to rebuild trust and commitment after experiencing conflicts or betrayals
  • Couples facing challenges related to parenting, financial stress, or significant life transitions

In addition, individuals may also benefit from Imago therapy as it helps them gain insights into their attachment styles and relational patterns. With Imago therapy, individuals may experience personal growth and improved relationships in different areas, such as with family, friends, and coworkers. The versatile approach of this therapy may make it an effective option for working through various relationship challenges.

Goals for therapy

Imago relationship therapy primarily focuses on helping couples develop healthier communication habits and understand each other's emotional needs. The therapy may have various goals depending on the specific situation and needs of the couple. These goals might include the following. 

Strengthening communication skills

Empathic listening is one of the pillars of imago relationship therapy and involves giving full attention to the speaker without interrupting or making judgments. The goal is to have a deeper understanding of the emotional context behind each partner’s words. Beyond listening, imago relationship therapy aims to guide couples in communicating their difficulties and desires honestly and respectfully. 

Unearthing past emotional wounds 

Some people carry emotional baggage from past experiences that can negatively affect their relationships. Imago relationship therapy can help couples identify hidden emotional wounds and understand how they contribute to present-day conflicts or misunderstandings. This self-awareness may make it easier to adopt healthier ways of interacting.

Improving emotional and physical connection

Through various exercises, imago relationship therapy encourages partners to be vulnerable and connect on a deeper emotional level. Imago relationship therapy also focuses on celebrating each other’s positive qualities and achievements, which may strengthen the emotional bond and improve physical intimacy.

Conflict resolution and problem-solving

Another goal of imago relationship therapy is to learn constructive ways to manage conflicts. Couples may learn methods to resolve disputes or negotiate in a way that respects both parties' perspectives. The process behind IRT aims to create a safe emotional space for both individuals to express their concerns, be heard, and find solutions that benefit each partner.

Long-term relationship health and growth

The end goal of imago relationship therapy is often to provide couples with skills and strategies that are not just immediate fixes but also serve to maintain a healthy long-term relationship. IRT also aims to support individual growth outside of the relationship, which may improve the relationship's health over time.

By working through these goals, imago relationship therapy may empower couples with the skills to develop a more loving and mutually satisfying relationship.

Research

While IRT has gained anecdotal success among couples seeking to improve their relationships, researchers have conducted randomized controlled trials to examine its efficacy. 

One study titled "Randomized Controlled Trial of Imago Relationship Therapy: Exploring Statistical and Clinical Significance" found that couples undergoing IRT showed a significant increase in marital satisfaction compared to those who did not receive this therapy. The study noted that about one-third of individuals reported recovery during the therapy, but only one couple out of all those treated was considered fully recovered by the end. The findings highlight the complex nature of relationship therapy and suggest areas for future research.

Another study examined the effects of Imago therapy on women living with the aftermath of their partner’s infidelity. The study involved 30 women divided into two groups. One group underwent eight sessions of Imago therapy, while the other group received no treatment. 

The women’s ability to understand others’ viewpoints (perspective-taking) and capacity to forgive were measured before and after the therapy. The results showed a significant increase in perspective-taking and forgiveness in the women who received Imago therapy compared to those who did not. The results suggest that Imago therapy could be a beneficial tool for women affected by marital infidelity.

More research is recommended to fully comprehend the long-lasting impacts of Imago therapy and how it could be used for different groups and relationship problems. As research progresses, Imago therapists and couples might better grasp how Imago therapy may serve them.

Finding therapy

Individuals interested in participating in Imago therapy may start by searching for therapists with experience and training in this specific approach. Valuable resources for finding IRT practitioners might include directories that list Imago couples therapists by location or specialty. An example of such a directory is the one provided by the Mid-Atlantic Association for Imago & Relationship Therapists. 

Other ways to find a trained Imago therapist include requesting referrals from friends, family, or mental health professionals or working with online therapy platforms. Through an online therapy platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, individuals can get matched with an Imago therapist and attend sessions via phone, video, or live chat from home.

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Updated on September 27, 2024.
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